Epitaphs
On the grave of Ezekiel Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekiel Aikle Age 102: The Good Die Young. ---- In a London, England cemetery: Ann Mann: Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid But died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767. ---- In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery: Anna Wallace: The children of Israel wanted bread. And the Lord sent them manna. Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife. And the Devil sent him Anna. ---- Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me For not rising. ---- Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake: Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake. ---- In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery: Here lays Butch. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger, But slow on the draw. ---- A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery: Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted. ---- A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange: Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange. ---- Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont: I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours. ---- Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona: Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a .44. No Les No More. ---- In a Georgia cemetery: "I told you I was sick!" ---- John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any. Dig 4 feet deep, and thou wilt find a Penny. ---- On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery, Richmond, Virginia: She always said her feet were killing her but nobody believed her. ---- In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England: On the 22nd of June - Jonathan Fiddle - Went out of tune. ---- Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low. But the skin of the thing that made her go. ---- More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England: Gone away Owin' more than he could pay. ---- Someone in Winslow, Maine, didn't like Mr. Wood: In Memory of Beza Wood Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs. Here lies one Wood enclosed in wood, One Wood Within another. The outer wood Is very good: We cannot praise The other. ---- On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod: Pease shelled out and went to God. ---- The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania: Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid" ---- Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942 Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. ---- In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist All dressed up And no place to go. ---- But does he make house calls? Dr. Fred Roberts, Brookland, Arkansas: Office upstairs In a cemetery in England: Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you, I'll not consent until I know which way you went. Category:Aging Humor Category:Language Humor